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Unwrapping the Truth: Navigating Behavior Modification and Christmas Gifts from Santa

Candice Cochrane • December 3, 2023

Six Potential Reasons why Manipulating Kids with Gifts From Santa Could be Problematic

I absolutely LOVE Santa being part of our holiday traditions, so I am not here to bash Santa. I'm here to bring out some perspective shifts to help YOU through the holiday season and to hopefully help you create more joy around Christmas. The work I do as a parent coach is parent centric meaning my job is to bring awareness to things YOU could be doing differently to help foster the best relationship possible between you and your kids and to help you raise your child(ren) into a whole-human, free from insecurities. So, let's embark on a holiday journey to raise happy, mentally healthy and competent humans together.

First let's talk briefly about the history of the man, the myth, the legend...the big man in red himself, Santa. The figure of Santa Claus has historical roots, and the legend is often associated with a real person, St. Nicholas. St. Nicholas was a Christian bishop who lived in the 4th century in the area that is now Turkey. He was known for his generosity and acts of kindness, such as giving gifts to the poor.

Over the centuries, various cultures and traditions have contributed to the evolution of the Santa Claus we know today. The modern image of Santa Claus is often attributed to the 1823 poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" (commonly known as "The Night Before Christmas") and the Coca-Cola Company's popularization of the red-suited, jolly Santa in the early 20th century. However, somewhere along the line, the idea of Santa keeping a list of children who were "naughty" or "nice" became more prevalent over time. This notion was perpetuated through traditions and stories, contributing to the use of Santa as a tool for encouraging desired behavior in children.

In the magical world of childhood, Santa Claus often takes center stage during the holiday season, and rightfully so since play and imagination is the language of childhood. Much like beloved Disney characters or your favorite superhero, the essence of Santa captures the innocent imagination of our little ones. During this time, looking into the eyes of children is when you see real-life magic. However, as parents, it's crucial to navigate the narrative carefully to ensure the magic doesn't inadvertently sow seeds of behavioral manipulation or perpetuate misconceptions about a child's inherent good nature.

While the enchanting stories of Santa's sleigh and his workshop captures our imagination and brings delight to children, the danger lies in attaching conditions to their behavior for the promise of presents (ie the proverbial dangling of the carrot). This practice, though well-intentioned, can inadvertently convey the message that gifts are contingent upon good behavior, potentially instilling a belief that children inherently do not deserve gifts and need to work to be worthy of receiving.

Children, at their core, are inherently good beings. Embracing this truth allows us to shift the focus from molding behavior through external rewards to nurturing an internal compass guided by empathy and understanding. Santa's stories can coexist with values of kindness and compassion without resorting to behavioral incentives.

As I delve into the nuances of Santa's role in childhood, it's important to clarify that this exploration is not about discrediting the magic and joy associated with the legendary figure. Instead, my focus is on encouraging mindful parenting, nurturing strong parent-child connections, and fostering a child's intrinsic goodness. The intent is to navigate the delicate balance between preserving the enchantment of Santa's tales and promoting positive values without relying on external rewards. Now, let's explore six potential reasons why manipulating kids with gifts from Santa could be problematic, keeping in mind my goal is to help you raise happy, mentally healthy, and confident humans.

6 Reasons to Avoid Behavioral Manipulation with the Promise of Gifts:

Encourages External Motivation: Tying behavior directly to material rewards like gifts from Santa may foster a mindset where children primarily act to receive external rewards rather than developing intrinsic motivation to behave well for its own sake.

Promotes Conditional Love: Linking presents to behavior might unintentionally convey the message that love and approval are conditional upon good behavior. This can lead to a child feeling they are only valued when they meet certain expectations.

Creates Unrealistic Expectations: Associating gifts with Santa's judgment may contribute to unrealistic expectations and stress for children, as they may worry about meeting the perceived standards for good behavior.

Undermines Trust: When children eventually discover the truth about Santa, the revelation that their parents orchestrated the whole charade could potentially undermine trust in their parents.

Misses the Teachable Moments: Using Santa as a disciplinary tool might miss valuable opportunities to teach children about the intrinsic joy of giving, empathy, and the importance of kindness without expecting material rewards.

Encourages People-Pleasing: Connecting Santa's gifts to behavior may inadvertently foster people-pleasing tendencies, as children might learn to prioritize external validation over authentic self-expression and intrinsic worth. It's important to guide children toward understanding that their value extends beyond meeting external expectations, fostering confidence and authenticity.

As we navigate Santa's role in childhood this holiday season, I encourage you to shift your focus towards mindful parenting, nurturing strong parent-child connections, and fostering your child's intrinsic goodness, without discrediting the magic and joy associated with the legendary figure. The goal is to strike a delicate balance between preserving the magic of Santa's tales and promoting positive values, steering away from reliance on external rewards.

In our Christmas journey, let's be mindful that while the world beyond our doorstep is out of our control, our homes serve as sacred grounds where we shape the essence of family life with our values and connection. Within these walls, we can nurture the magic of imagination while we foster wholesome beliefs. The holidays are bigger than just a "time of the year;" they have potential to transform into a celebration of enduring bonds, intertwined with cherished memories and traditions. As cliché as it is, the true gift isn't merely found in the packages beneath the tree; it's in the timeless moments written into the heartwarming tale of our family's journey.

The Role of a Parent Coach:

As a parent coach, my role extends beyond guiding families through the holiday season; it encompasses year-round support. Together, we explore mindful parenting strategies that enhance the magic of family traditions while promoting positive values. I assist parents in fostering strong connections with their children, emphasizing the importance of creating a nurturing home environment that goes beyond material gifts. By understanding and addressing specific concerns and challenges, I empower parents to shape a wholesome family life filled with genuine joy, meaningful connections, and lasting memories. Through personalized coaching, I aim to help families not only during the holidays but all year long, fostering a sense of warmth, love, and togetherness that defines the true spirit of family life.