5 Important Steps to Help Your Child Stop Vaping

According to the FDA, in 2022, about 1 in 10 or more than 2.5 million U.S. middle and high school students currently used e-cigarettes (past 30-day). 14.1% (2.14 million) of high school students and 3.3% (380,000) of middle school students reported current e-cigarette use. So, when I say that you are not alone, I mean it.

And let me take a moment to say that as a parent or caregiver, finding out that your child is vaping can bring up SO MANY feelings. Fear, disappointment, urgency, worry, embarrassment, guilt, and anger come up for me and those are just a handful. There are so many more. But I also know that the deep desire to help your son or daughter break this habit is also coming up for you, otherwise, you wouldn't be here. 

So, while I know it is hard, I can honestly tell you that you are doing a great job. It is never too late to help realign you babies into their best life. I think we can all agree that having a nicotine addiction has the ability to hold anyone back from being the best version of themselves.

Here are 5 important and helpful steps to help you are your child overcome their vaping habit or addiction.

Let's dive in.

Get clear about your values

In order to successfully explore solutions with our children, we must be rooted and securely attached to our family values. It’s important that YOU (the parent) get crystal clear about your values. What is the value behind your desire for your child NOT to vape? Google “values” if you need to look at a list, but a few that come to mind are values of self-respect/love, safety, health, strength or well being.

Ask yourself if YOU are in alignment with these values in your own life. If you tell your kids something is important and you don't live by it, you will get major resistance every time.

Although this journey won’t be easy regardless, attempting to resolve this with your son or daughter without clearly defined values will only bring more resistance, more arguments, more stress and more difficulty.

Apologize

Apologize to my kid? Are you crazy? They’re the one that is vaping!

I know, I know. But if this is a recurring issue that has already been talked about with your kiddo and you reacted with less grace and connection than you wish you would have or tried to change their behavior with punishment or shame that left you feeling yucky, then have a human moment with your child and offer a sincere apology. Remember, when we offer an apology, we have to follow the #1 rule of apologies which is: When offering an apology to your kiddo, leave your “but” out of it! 

Quick note: Although I am talking about apologies to kids, your "but" doesn't belong in ANY apology in ANY relationship EVER.

It is our responsibility, as parents and adults, to OWN our decision making and our behaviors. When we add a "but" to an apology, it places all blame and responsibility for our decisions and reactions on our kids and takes ALL of the responsibility for our own behavior off of us.

"I'm sorry I yelled but...."

"I'm sorry I put you in that position but...."

"I'm sorry I gave you the silent treatment but..."

LEAVE YOUR "BUT" OUT OF IT!

OWN your "but."

Own your triggers.

Own your inability to regulate your emotions.

Own your decisions.

Our kids deserve real, genuine apologies. They are just as human as we are and deserve to be seen, heard and valued. If our child's behavior or decision making triggers us or puts us in a bad position, that is our problem, not theirs.

Also note that when you offer an apology, this is not a time to talk about the issue (in this case vaping) AT ALL! This is a “let me apologize to you“ moment and nothing else. 

Have Empathy

Nicotine addiction is real and there’s a chance that although you have demanded your child to quit vaping, it might not be that easy. 

If you have never been addicted to anything, consider yourself lucky.

On that same note, if you have never been addicted to anything, maybe take a deeper look into your life and see where you might have an addiction that isn’t as frowned upon…Maybe YOU vape and can’t quit. Maybe you can’t go without your morning coffee. Maybe you spend too much money. Maybe you have a food addiction. Maybe you’re addicted to your phone or work. Maybe you can’t make it through the evening without a couple beers or glasses of wine. Addictions come in all shapes and sizes and if you have ever tried to give up an addiction, you know it is hard AF.

NOTE: this isn’t meant to shame, it is only meant to inspire you to take a deeper look inside and have some self reflection. This will help us empathize with our children.

So why am I bringing this up? Because having empathy and the ability to understand and share feelings with your child through this difficult task will help them avoid feeling shame and they will feel more connected and drawn to you through the process. Connection and support will be key in successfully breaking your child’s vaping addiction. 

Connect 

Sometimes when there is a pressing issue at hand in our parenting, we tend to catastrophize, meaning we believe the worst possible outcome is going to come from this situation and it needs to be dealt with immediately and discussed every single time we see our kids until it is resolved because, well, we want what is best for our kids, right? 

Let me ask you this? How do (or would) YOU feel when someone you care about only talks to you about how YOU are messing up, what YOU are doing wrong and what YOU need to fix? There’s no genuine connection, no asking or caring about how you are doing, no inquiry about if you had a bad day, about effort to have any fun together. It's all serious business all the time and it's all negative.

Your child doesn’t like that either. 

John Maxwell said, “People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.” 

No truer words have been spoken about leadership and as a parent, you are the ultimate leader. 

Set the to-do list aside and connect with your child. You want to inspire them to stop once and for all and shame and criticism won’t fill their cup, but connection with their parents will. 

Strategies

After you have taken in steps 1-4, we finally get to the “how.” 

Make the bad guy the vape companies. 

Did you know that Juul Labs, an e-cigarette manufacturer, lifted trade secrets back in 2019 revealing they were determined to market to children as young as 8? Marketing vaping to 8 YEAR OLDS!?!? We should all be furious about this. No wonder we have an epidemic of youth e-cigarette usage. 

I attended a child psychology conference and one of the presenters said studies have shown that when parents or caregivers make the vape companies the bad guy, there is a higher success rate in youth quitting vaping. I wasn’t able to find the study but if I find it, I will update this with the source to the study. But, if you think about it, it totally makes sense. 

When you take the, “It's not us against you. It's us against the world,”  approach with your teen, they will feel less defensive, less shame, and more inspired to not let the vape companies win.

When it is time to have a conversation, ask permission.

Ask permission? Why would I ask the permission of my kid to talk about what they are doing wrong? Well, can you agree that sometimes you aren’t in the space or mood to have a tough conversation? I think we have all been there. Newsflash: OUR KIDS ARE PEOPLE TOO! They have bad days, they have friend drama, they have piles of homework to do, they have a life. Asking if you can have the conversation opens the door to them being receptive to what you have to say instead of imposing your agenda on them and bombarding their emotional space with this.

If you want a successful discussion around this, respect them. Ask them, “When would be a good time to chat about vaping?” Avoid accusational phrases and finger pointing. 

Know that you don’t need to have the entire conversation all at once. 

This one is SUPER tough for parents. It is okay to have the conversation in bits and pieces when it is on the flow. You definitely want to avoid the lecture vibe and want it to be more of a conversation WITH your child, not AT your child. Remember, it's “us against the world.”

Ask how you can help.

This is going to be hard for everyone involved and your child needs support. What kind of support does your child need? No one knows but your child. Do not mock or dismiss any of your child’s suggestions when they tell ways you can help. You are there to empower them to find motivation, inspiration and strength to stop vaping. Not to shame them or belittle them for their ideas and suggestions.

Finally, it is important to note that kids (or humans in general) don’t have a one-size-fits-all for ANYTHING. While I know all of these things listed above are immensely important regarding your relationship with your child, YOU KNOW YOUR CHILD BEST. I trust that YOU are able to find the best way to support your kiddo through this journey. 

If you need additional support, feel free to email me at  parentsofpresence@gmail.com

Sending all the strength and love to you on this parenting journey. You’ve got this. 

xoxo

Candice